Workplace Bullying Institute

What Bullied Targets Can Do

Three things that are simple to list but very difficult to accomplish. It's an uphill, David 'n Goliath, struggle.

1. Name it! Legitimize Yourself!

Choose a name -- bullying, psychological harassment, psychological violence, emotional abuse -- to offset the effect of being told that because your problem is not illegal (yet), you have no problems. This makes people like you feel illegitimate and the cycle of self-blame and anxiety begins.

The source of the problem is external. The bully decides how to target and how, when and where to harm people. You did not invite, nor want, the systematic campaign of psychological assaults and interference with your work.

There is tremendous healing power in naming.

2. Seek Respite, Take Time Off to BullyProof Yourself Accomplish five (5) important tasks while on sick leave or short-term disability (granted by your physician).

a. Check your mental health with a professional (not the employer's EAP). Get emotionally stable enough to make a clear-headed decision to stay and fight or to leave for your health's sake. Your humanity makes you vulnerable; it is not a weakness but a sign of superiority. Work Trauma, by definition, is overwhelming, an extraordinary experience.

b. Check your physical health. Stress-related diseases rarely carry warning signals (e.g., hypertension). Read the current research on work stress and heart disease (see the Index).

c. Research state and federal legal options (in a quarter of bullying cases, discrimination plays a role). Talk to an attorney. Maybe a demand letter can be written. Look for internal policies (harassment, violence, respect) for violations to report (fully expecting retaliation).

d. Gather data about the economic impact the bully has had on the employer. Discover turnover rates. Calculate the costs of replacement (recruitment, demoralization from understaffing, interviewing, lost time while newbie learns job), absenteeism, lost productivity from interference by bully.

e. Start job search for next position.

3. Expose the Bully The real risk was sustained when you were first targeted (you have a 7 in 10 chance of losing your job, involuntarily or by choice for your health's sake). It is no riskier to attempt to dislodge the bully. Retaliation can be expected, but what's new. Good employers purge bullies, most promote them.

a. Make the business case that the bully is "too expensive to keep." Present the data gathered (in step 2) to let the highest level person (not HR) you can reach know about the bully's impact on the organization. Obviously in family-owned, or small, businesses, this is impossible (so leave once targeted). b. Stick to the bottom line. If you drift into tales about the emotional impact of the bully's harassment, you will be discounted and discredited.

c. Give the employer one chance. If they side with the bully because of personal friendship ("he's a great conversationalist and a lunch buddy") or rationalize the mistreatment ("you have to understand that that is just how she is"), you will have to leave the job for your health's sake. However, some employers are looking for reasons to purge their very difficult bully. You are the internal consultant with the necessary information. Help good employers purge.

d. The nature of your departure --either bringing sunshine to the dark side or leaving in shrouded in silent shame--determines how long it takes you to rebound and get that next job, to function fully and to restore compromised health. Tell everyone about the petty tyrant for your health's sake. You have nothing to be ashamed about. You were only doing the job you once loved.

Source: The Bully At Work by Dr. Gary Namie and Dr. Ruth Namie (Sourcebooks)

- Do not trust HR -- they work for management and are management. Simple facts.

- Do not ask for relief from the bully's boss. That is the person who loves her or him most. (And if there is no love there, there is fear. The boss fears the bully and cannot stop him or her.)

- Do not tell your story from a purely emotional injury angle. It scares away potential supporters.

- Do not share your voluminous documentation with anyone at work. No one cares as much as you do. In the wrong hands, it can be used against you.

- Do not ask others (HR, union reps, management) to make the bully stop for your sake. They will disappoint you. Rather, you will make the business case and ask them to stop bullying for their own self-interests.

- Do not pay a retainer to an attorney until you've exhausted cheaper alternatives to get your employer to take your complaint seriously.

- Do not confide in anyone at work unless they have demonstrated (and not just talked about) loyalty to you in the past.